Chapter 0067
If that partner was me, I would…
No. I shouldn’t go down that path, even within the safe confines of my mind.
Nicholas and I would never be together again. I had too many secrets that he would never understand. Even if he knew the truth, even if he’d understood, he’d never agree with the choices I had made.
If he knew what I’d given away, he would never look at me the same way.
When Elva appeared for her lunch, she shouted from across the room. “Nick–lass!” Then she ran through. the line, crawled under the table, and threw her arms out wide for a hug.
Nicholas leaned down to oblige. His smile was so warm, my chest ached.
If only Elva and I could have this all the time.
After lunch, and after Nicholas and I finished cleaning up, we joined the children out on the playground.
I pushed some of the kids on the swings, while Nicholas play–chased the children around the grassy lawn. He roared, pretending to be a monster. The children shouted with fake fear, broken with fits of
giggling.
Elva herself often broke the illusion by running up to Nicholas and demanding. “You’re not a monster.
You’re Nick–lass!”
Nicholas swooped her up into his arms and spun her around, while she cheered and laughed.
I’d never heard her so happy in her life. I could have cried bittersweet tears, so happy that she had this,
so sad she would lose it.
Finally, Nicholas let the kids tackle him down to the ground.
Mark called from the sidelines, “Do you need assistance, sir?”
Nicholas pointed at him. “Ah, there! A new monster approaches, even more harrowing than the last!”
The kids immediately took to the new game, running and play–fighting with Mark.
With them distracted, Nicholas rolled up off the ground and walked to me near the swing set. He patted
away much of the grass debris from his pants, but the back of his shirt was covered in it.
“May I?” I asked, motioning to his back.
“Is it bad?”
“Don’t make promises,” he teased, then turned his back to me. I brushed away the grass and dirt.
Only when I had finished did I realize the potential weight of what I had just done. I had touched him so casually. We had teased each other.
For a brief moment, everything had felt just like it had three years ago.
Nicholas must have noticed as well. His posture shifted, straightening. His smile slipped away.
“We should head back soon,” he said.
I agreed. We needed to end this fantasy as soon as we could. It was too dangerous, wanting what we
had once but could never have again.
We needed to return to our reality. A prince and a commoner, with a canyon of secrets and
misunderstandings between us, too large to cross.
“We can ride back together,” Nicholas said.
“Thank you.”
The ride home, we sat mostly in silence. Elva slept soundly, having worn herself out with play. She was
curled into Nicholas’s side, with his arm wrapped protectively around her.
Outside, clouds were beginning to gather. In the distance, the sky was dark.
The fear I’d pushed down for the day began to once more coil within my chest. Tomorrow would likely
be the day of my punishment.
“Looks like rain,” I said.
Nicholas’s jaw clenched.
“Guess there’s no escaping it.” I laughed a little.
He glared at me. “It’s not amusing.”
“I have to laugh, or I won’t survive. What would you rather I do? Cry?”
“No” He frowned deeply. “I’d rather you not have to do this at all.”
I wasn’t entirely surprised by his words. After all, I knew the kindness in his heart. I’d seen it today, when
he’d played with the children. Still, I hadn’t been sure it would have extended to me.
“I thought you would have enjoyed seeing me punished,” I said.
His gaze fell away from me.
“If you believe that, then you never really knew me at all.”
